Ps 130:5-6 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning-- yes, more than those who watch for the morning.(NKJ)

Most people I know really don't like to wait - including myself! Waiting seems to deny selfs constant drive to control. Thus learning to wait on the Lord implies willingness to yield to His control and His timing. It seems I'm often like a hyperactive kid inside - not wanting to slow down and just rest in His purposes. I've been frustrated with the delay in scheduling my surgery - was told it could be another month before it's even scheduled - because the doc didn't check the box "urgent" the surgery is considered elective routine and thus is low on the priority list. I did leave a message today for my surgeon requesting he expidite the order - me trying to make something happen :-)

I just have to laugh a little at my self at how antsy I get when I can't plan things I feel I need to do. Anyway I just have to accept the fact that God knows all about the schedule and has a perfect time prepared - and He's not going to clue me in until He's ready - and maybe not till I'm ready and resting in His timing.

Looking back at the last few days I have to say they were pretty full. It was such a joy to be able to teach at the morning services last Sunday. Then had dinner with my inlaws and visiting my newly wed son and daughterinlaw - and a bunch of the grandkids. Monday I did a ride-a-long with a police officer friend of mine, and went to a Padre game at Petco with some good friends. Tuesday I had breakfast with a couple retired cops - I've been a police chaplain for many years - and am trying to reconnect after a long absence due to Joyce's illness. Today was all day at the church office.

So I'm trying to keep busy while I'm waiting - just sitting around is depressing and I really don't want to veg. I want the Lord's will in my life - right now it's day by day surrender. Thanks for continuing to pray for me, my family, and our church.

In His Arm's (squirming),

Pat :-)

Good Saturday morning! It's been a near normal week - recovering from the wedding last weekend; dinner with friends Monday nite; Valley Center home fellowship (and dinner :-) Tuesday nite; bereavement counseling and church on Wednesday nite, tho I've been sitting out the Song of Solomon study - a little tuff emotionally to hear about the beautiful, God intended relationship between husband and wife - really a great study - but with Joyce gone, I couldn't digest it right now.

Been at the church office every day and gradually getting back into the flow of the ministry. I do plan on leading worship for Miles' study this evening and teaching this Sunday at the morning services - first time since Mother's Day. Still not sure of a regular return to the pulpit tho. The scheduling of my surgery is still pending - it could happen in a couple of weeks or a couple of months - I'm praying sooner rather than later...some days are good; some not so good. If it's later, then I'ld still like to try a short trip to the Chicago area to visit my family and my brother, Mike, in particular who just finished 6 months of treatment for esophogal cancer. My mom turned 87 last month and I'ld like to give her a hard time for a little while :-)

That's the nutshell! Hope your day is blessed and fruitful!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Good Monday evening or Tuesday morning!

I've had, overall, a pretty calm last few days. Been at church a lot and that's been good for me. Many have been asking me when I'll return to teaching on Sunday mornings - and to that question I'm just not sure right now. Soon I think - but I think it's important that my resuming my teaching duties is in the Lord's time and not mine. Miles is doing a wonderful job on Sunday mornings and I couldn't be more proud and pleased. The church is being fed the Word and people are growing. So if my ministry is more supportive and behind the scenes for a little while longer that's OK by me! The scheduling of my colon surgery is also a factor and that hopefully will get on the calendar sometime before the end of this week.

My son's wedding is this Saturday and that will be keeping me busy the next few days.

God bless and keep all of you in His love!

Pat

Hi Folks!

Haven't posted much this week - sometimes no news is good news! After a blah day on Monday I had specific things to do the past three days and actually felt Ok inside. The gut wrenching pit in my heart is slowly healing and I'm getting a greater sense of the Lord moving me ahead. It's been nice to have a couple of back to back days that weren't so emotionally painful.

My brother was able to finish his chemo today and wasn't feeling too bad. I still don't have a date yet for my surgery - should know by early next week. Don't ya love waiting :-)

As always, I deeply appreciate your continued prayer for my family and I. We have a busy week next week as my son Jordan is marrying his Jr. High sweetheart next Saturday - and he asked me to be his best man. I'll try to post a couple pictures of the event.


Keep loving one another!

In His Arm's,

Pat

Today, Sunday, it is one month since Joyce passed into heaven. This past week has been a little more level than the previous three. I'm having a greater sense of Joyce in heaven with the Lord. For a while there, all I could feel was the emptiness of her absence. The finality of her death and the reality that I would never see her again here in this life was overwhelming and obscuring the facts of the Scriptures. It was difficult to say with joy, "Joyce is with the Lord!",
because she wasn't with me. Pretty selfish I admit, but not easy to shake.

But this week there was some joy and tho the fog rolled in a few times, it didn't last too long.

Church this morning was special too. It just seemed like a big family gathering and for the first time in quite a while, I felt OK laughing and enjoying the fellowship. God is so faithful!

This coming week I hope to nail down a date for my colon surgery. I'm not really worried about it - just want to get it done and start moving forward with what God has planned. Also have another bereavement group meeting on Wednesday.

In His Arm's,

Pat

The past couple of days brought developments in both my physical and emotional state. On the physical side, on Monday I had a barium enema test done which went as well as one of those can go :-( and basically showed no other problems in the colon besides what the CT scan showed with the thickening and constricting area of the sigmoid - so my doc has ordered surgery to be scheduled - don't have the date yet but probably within 4 to 6 weeks. The sooner the better as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure you all don't want to hear all the medical details of the procedure so I'll leave it right there - for now!

On the emotional and spiritual side, I began the process of bereavement counseling this week by first attending a session of "Griefshare" at Emmanuel Faith Comm. Church. It's a twelve week series which was in it's 11th week. I felt a little awkward there because #1 I was the youngest widowed person in attendance and #2 there were a lot of hurting people there and it was hard to not be in the "pastor" "caregiver" mode and just be a regular person who was hurting as well.
But it was interesting and the next session begins in mid September and I'll likely hook up with it from the beginning at that time.

I also drove up to San Clemente today and met with a grief counselor who was very helpful and not only helped me understand a little better what was going on emotionally, but also ministered to me thru the Word as well. It was good talking about how much I loved Joyce. He said that often the deeper the love the more intense the grief. And so we talked thru a bunch of things and I felt maybe the beginings of healing. It's going to take a long time but that's OK.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with another pastor friend who lost his wife to cancer this past April. I'm looking forward to our fellowship.

I'ld also like to ask you to please keep praying for my kids and relatives as they are also trying to cope with Joyce's death - it's been hard for them too.

One last thing, could you also please lift up my brother, Mike, in Illinois. He's been in chemo and radiation for esophagus cancer for several months now and is having a rough go being able to finish his final week of treatments. It's been postponed twice due to low blood counts and an infected feeding tube. Pray for relief and strength and complete remission of his cancer.

Love to all of you!

In His Arm's,

Pat